Last week, I went to my first class at a yoga studio in Venice, Florida and I was the first person there. Immediately, I noticed thoughts of “did I go to the wrong place? Did I need to sign up? Is class cancelled? I got up early for nothing.” I tried to find answers by searching on my phone and walking around, but no luck. By the start time of class, nobody else showed up. I was frustrated, hot from being outside, and continued to questioned if I had the wrong time or location. I wanted someone to blame. I even called my partner and created a chaotic morning for him as well. All in the matter of 10 minutes.
After taking a second to ground myself, apologize to my partner, and review my intentions for the morning – to take time for myself, move my body, and connect with others – I let this situation go and set out on attending a different yoga class.
Before walking into Yoga with Janelle, I had the loop in my head of “this is a place where they would understand my frustrations, I should tell them what happened. I need to be heard in order to let this go.” I imagined having this conversation as soon as I walked in the door. But that is not what happened.
I arrived early and saw Janelle in the middle of her own practice. I was in awe, and humbled by her dedication and protection of her energy in this space. I was immediately aware of how fused I was by my thoughts. I recognized me “venting” would not add to her day as much as it would not add to my own. So instead, I waited for her to complete her practice, and said “good morning,” and she greeted me with genuine excitement. That was all the validation I needed.
In the opening of class, Janelle acknowledged having a different plan for our practice before she arrived at the studio. She acknowledged an urge to “just roll around on the floor” so instead, our practice focused around play and inversions. Without saying it, I understood she offered us just a piece of this experience of non-attachment by naming her ability to let go of expectations and let the path unfold in front of her.
Did the day go how I planned? No. Could I have remained frustrated and fused with my thoughts? Could I have tried to downplay and avoid my emotions? Yes and yes, but I didn’t. Although my initial thoughts were “correct”, and the class really was not scheduled, these thoughts did not have to control my behaviors, interactions with others, or choices for the rest of the day (or longer). As soon as I became aware of the pattern I was swept up in, I connected to my values and adapted.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there is the concept of creative hopelessness that allows us to explore the “workability” of strategies we use to manage or get rid of difficult emotions, sensations, or thoughts. It is not that we are hopeless or the strategies we use are pointless. They just aren’t effective at achieving what we really want: control.
When coping skills, including yoga, deep breathing, self-talk, or talking to a supportive person, are used with the intention of “getting rid” of unwanted emotions, they can be viewed as creative hopelessness. However, they can also be workable when used flexibly and aligned with our values and with the understanding they are not there to control how you feel.
Reviewing my day, I can see all the ways I struggled with wanting to control my emotions, other people, my thoughts, and my expectations. An acronym by Russ Harris for creative hopelessness is Join the DOTS: Distraction, Opting out, Thinking Strategies, Substances and other strategies.
I connected all the DOTS that day, especially being caught in the loop of thinking strategies that I automatically and inflexibly rely on to make situations “go away” or be different than they are, but it never works. No matter how much I learn, practice, and teach these methods, I am just as human as you and get caught in the struggle with emotional control.
The first step in practicing creative hopelessness is awareness. Although it did not change the outcome, taking a few moments to connect to the present moment allowed me to make a choice that was aligned with my values, not be guided by avoiding discomfort or acting out of anger. When I dropped the struggle, I was able to get what I needed out of the day.
Part of me would have loved to have an “easy” morning. However another part of me needed the reminder that every situation is an opportunity for growth. It takes time and repetition to build and flex our mindfulness muscles in situations like today, aka the times when we really need them. I acknowledge my thoughts were doing their job of alerting me that something was not right, and ultimately I was “right” that the class was cancelled. However it did not have to control my day or set me on a spiral.
I have a vision board above my desk and one of the phrases states: “the choice is yours, and it’s simple.” I have no idea what it originally referred to, however to me it is a reminder that I will only stay stuck if that is what I choose. As soon as I landed on my mat in Janelle’s class, I truly was aware of the impact the thoughts, the rules, the expectations for the morning had on me and allowed them to be there while I settled into my yoga practice. After class, I sent my partner a text: “sorry for the fired drill am. The other class was were I needed to be. It was good to play.”
If you would like to explore your own experiences with Creative Hopelessness, follow this link to ACTMindfully.com:
*Created without the use of AI or other editing software. My intention is to prioritize being human and normalize vulnerability and making mistakes. I don’t want to be perfect anymore.*
Effort and Ease Counseling, LLC 
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